Both of our baby sisters are engaged! We are so excited for them to do the marriage thing, Brig and I happend to know that it is the bee-zy!
Here are our lovely girls:
~Miss Mally (with Sir KayCee)~
~Miss Sarah (with Sir Peter)~
(Both photos from OUR wedding!)
Well dearest girls, I (Tiff speaking) am so happy for you! The engagement period is the worst, and if you can get out of it still adoring each other- you’ll know it’s right!
You know, this being a team/marriage thing is awesome, and it’s work, and it’s awesome. I’ve been thinking of all the things that I love about being married to Brig (which is pretty much everything, but specifics are always nice to point out!) and all of the information or observations I’ve gleaned that have helped me to prepare to be a wife- which you will be soon!- and I thought that I’d just outline a few things that have made me feel prepared and have made mine and Brig’s relationship wonderful.
First of all, READ THIS BOOK:
It changed my life and the way I view relationships in general. I have not always been the biggest fan of the marriage concept, but it’s because I didn’t understand the things that mattered in marriage. I had just looked at it as some sort of obligation or religous pressure or a way to not be lonely (and all of this because I simply couldn’t find my perfect man! And when I did- boy did I soften up quickly!). However, marriage is not any of those things! None of them!
Instead, marriage is a friendship, a team, a partnership, an intimate companionship, a closeness, and a safe haven.
Mr. Gottman’s book helped me to see that, and helped me to understand what kind of actions strengthen that friendship or break it down. Even if you have a good attitude about marriage and always have had one, it’s still about helping you to figure out how to be the best kind of friend, and avoid things that will hurt your most precious relationship.
Seriously. Do it.
Next, here is the best bit of advice I feel Brig and I have ever gotten:
~ Always defend your companion, and never take anyone else’s side (even if they’re wrong, it doesn’t matter)
~ Always present yourself as a unified front
~ Never talk bad about your companion, ever. To anyone.
~ Put your companion first in your life- before your goals, your hobbies, your extended family, your gym membership- whatever!
~ Care about the things the other cares about.
~Be eager to forgive and forget
~ Never lie to your companion, not about sex, not about food preferences, not about what you spent your money on, not anything! There are no secrets in this friendship
~ And on that note- be open and honest! Be tactful if that honesty isn’t something that the other is excited to hear about, but never keep a secret. Secrets will put wedges in your trust, which is the foundation of your relationship.
~Always greet with a kiss and a hug and a big smile- they are the best thing that will ever happen to you, so treat them that way!
And here are some things that Brig and I do to strengthen our friendship:
~Support the other in their interests and desires
~ Allow daydreaming! Then, be practical and prudent in your timing of acting/puchasing. Balance each other out!
~ Do things together! Go on walks, go to random classes, learn somethign together, watch movies, exercise, eat healthy, cook together. Whatever you do- include the other!
~ Never put the pressure on the other to be perfect or ideal. That’s just impractical! Make mistakes! Learn from them together!
~ Always express love. When you say it, mean it. Every time.
I have so much more to say and tell you (and you will find things to tell me! How cool is that?!) but I will stop here, and I hope we will get time to discuss more of these types of things.
Ladies, there is nothing more important in this life than loving and supporting your future husband (and vice-versa for him!)- so put the work into the relationship- not into panning your wedding or bridal showers. Those things don’t matter.
What matters is your team. Your friendship. Your intimate companionship.
I love you both dearly. Welcome to the best part of life!
With excited, Sisterly-Love,